cheers to you and this new year we share, my friend.


i see you’ve pulled your hat around your ears and a groan is surfacing from the very depths of your soul

yeah, me too

hope is fucking hard right now, eh?

yeah, this is hard

this is hard.

its ok that the new year doesn’t feel fresh and shiny and new

loudspeakers bellowing, NEW YEAR NEW YOU

guess what tho?

your old you, your you you, is WHOLE and COMPLETE and BRILLIANT exactly as it is


this is what i’m learning

for the first time in my 30 years of living

embracing all the pointy, rusty, crumbly, imperfect bits of me

which, lets be honest — is ALL of me (yay)

is how growth happens.


yeah, like actually, growth is really really hard

when i haven’t fully accepted where im at

its like trying to climb a wall made of sand.

i’ve heard this before

“just accept yourself” or whatever

and i was always like

how the hell do i do that?

like, is there a blog i can read or something?

so. i got you.

here’s how

you ready for this?

lean in

its gonna be good

get ready

here it comes

the big secret

to accepting yourself as you are

are you ready?

it’s coming

here we go:

no fucking clue.

yeah. sigh. sorry about that.


here’s what i tried

i ran really really hard and really really fast at that wall of sand

for a long long time

until i got so much sand in my shoes and in my eyes and in my mouth and in my ears

that eventually

i had to stop

and when i stopped, i looked down at my feet

and i realized they were on the ground

i felt the sand in my shoes

my lips were chapped

my left shoulder was tight

my stomach felt pretty good

and i was having a great hair day, actually.

when i looked back up

the sand was gone

the wall was brick

and one of them stuck out a bit.

i put my foot on that one,

and i started to climb.

so cheers to you my friend,

cheers to you and every beautiful imperfect, human bit of you

cheers to bringing every little bit of that with you into this new year

cheers to running into the wall of sand and getting all clogged up

cheers to that week this year when you’re gonna feel on top of the world

cheers to that week this year when you’re gonna feel at the bottom of the ocean

cheers to the slip-ups and the misdirected anger and the little big lies

cheers to the hugs and the get well gifts and the getting more wise

cheers to if you spend the whole year running at the sand

cheers to if you stop and rest

and notice those damn shoes filled with sand

placed firmly on the ground.

cheers, my friend.

xx caitlin