cheers to you and this new year we share, my friend.
oh
i see you’ve pulled your hat around your ears and a groan is surfacing from the very depths of your soul
yeah, me too
hope is fucking hard right now, eh?
yeah, this is hard
this is hard.
its ok that the new year doesn’t feel fresh and shiny and new
loudspeakers bellowing, NEW YEAR NEW YOU
guess what tho?
your old you, your you you, is WHOLE and COMPLETE and BRILLIANT exactly as it is
really
this is what i’m learning
for the first time in my 30 years of living
embracing all the pointy, rusty, crumbly, imperfect bits of me
which, lets be honest — is ALL of me (yay)
is how growth happens.
woah
yeah, like actually, growth is really really hard
when i haven’t fully accepted where im at
its like trying to climb a wall made of sand.
i’ve heard this before
“just accept yourself” or whatever
and i was always like
how the hell do i do that?
like, is there a blog i can read or something?
so. i got you.
here’s how
you ready for this?
lean in
its gonna be good
get ready
here it comes
the big secret
to accepting yourself as you are
are you ready?
it’s coming
here we go:
no fucking clue.
yeah. sigh. sorry about that.
but
here’s what i tried
i ran really really hard and really really fast at that wall of sand
for a long long time
until i got so much sand in my shoes and in my eyes and in my mouth and in my ears
that eventually
i had to stop
and when i stopped, i looked down at my feet
and i realized they were on the ground
i felt the sand in my shoes
my lips were chapped
my left shoulder was tight
my stomach felt pretty good
and i was having a great hair day, actually.
when i looked back up
the sand was gone
the wall was brick
and one of them stuck out a bit.
i put my foot on that one,
and i started to climb.
so cheers to you my friend,
cheers to you and every beautiful imperfect, human bit of you
cheers to bringing every little bit of that with you into this new year
cheers to running into the wall of sand and getting all clogged up
cheers to that week this year when you’re gonna feel on top of the world
cheers to that week this year when you’re gonna feel at the bottom of the ocean
cheers to the slip-ups and the misdirected anger and the little big lies
cheers to the hugs and the get well gifts and the getting more wise
cheers to if you spend the whole year running at the sand
cheers to if you stop and rest
and notice those damn shoes filled with sand
placed firmly on the ground.
cheers, my friend.
xx caitlin
